Cloudburst Brewing Final Attempt

6.2%

Hello {insert business name here}!

We have reached out roughly 5 times in the past 2 weeks with some generic yet casual banter, but you have yet to respond. Clearly, making more money isn’t a priority for you. And so we warn you with a final attempt. This is your last opportunity to take advantage of our services. Despite knowing nothing about your business operations, nor your company’s needs, heck even your relative industry or locale! – we’d love to connect and talk about our personalized support packages. It will only take 30 minutes out of your day! And we know you just sit on your ass all day staring at your inbox while you just refresh daily “settled net deposit” reports on Toast. What else does a BOSS do, amiright?! Haha. THIS IS IMPORTANT. It will only take a moment, requiring a lot of information not readily available at your disposal along with intermittent awkward conversation, all to come to the conclusion that you actually don’t need our synergistic optimization services after all! It’s not us, it’s you. BUT we’re happy to refer you to our network of colleagues. Have you heard of the ERTC? How about SEO? Did you know you’re pre approved for a 1 million loan with a 19% a.p.y? How about an email list of people that attended an event? Those people WENT to something AND they have EMAILS! Fine, that’s  your loss. I have one final question for you: Can you mail me a sticker for free?

Sincerely,

{Randomly Generated Name }

TL;DR: 2 Row & Pils base, hopped with Citra, Mosaic, Nectaron, and Nelson Sauvin. Notes of Nectarine, Pineapple, and Passionfruit, with a dash of Snark.  

-Cloudburst